It’s been a long day. Actually a long year.. emotionally. As I sit here I think back to a year ago today, at this exact time: 10:30pm. I received a phone call, a call that drained my soul and tore my heart. It was the hospice nurse at my mother’s nursing home. They called to tell me that she passed away. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was sitting on the couch with my husband and we were planning on visiting my mother early the next morning. I always visit her on the weekends and spend as much time as possible with her. Especially towards the end when she was so weak, she couldn’t get out of bed.
I remember seeing her the night before she passed. She was laying in bed with her eyes closed, she was having difficulty breathing. I went to her bed and gave her a kiss. Afterwards I lay on the bed with her and talked to her. I told her how much I love her and I hoped to make her proud. I also told her stories of Tan and the kids. A few hours later my sisters arrived and we all chatted with her as if she was sitting up on the bed listening.
The one thing I will never forget is my final moment with her. As I was sitting beside her on the bed she grabbed my arm. I mean really grabbed it.. hard and opened her eyes. I couldn’t believe it. She looked me straight in the eyes (something she hand’t done in all year) and tried her hardest to say something. I’ll never know what she said, but my heart tells me she said ‘I love you’. That night I cried myself to sleep.
I miss you Mom.